Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What comes next?

Normally on our blog I post lot's of silly pictures and videos, but I also want it to be a place to share my feelings and insights about life. I was given a blog to read yesterday by Caitlin (a co-worker and friend of mine) and it just touched my soul. I read the back story on the birth of this woman's second child, a child who was born with down syndrome. She was so real in her blog, telling her friends and admitting to herself, the fears and anxiety she had the first moments she met her daughter. I know that sounds harsh, but you have to read it to understand. I feel like it was so brave of her to put those kinds of truths out into the world, and I hope to do the same sometimes right here.

In admitting to myself I'd like to be more open about things in my life I am just not so sure on the one thing that sticks out is Heaven. Not that I don't think it exists, or that I don't think I will be going there some day, but what is it like? How old will I be? Will there be to-do lists (b/c I like those). Will my Grandma be there? How about Papoo? Will they know each other? How old will they be? Will I recognize them? Will I be able to look down on Earth? Will I know who I was? Will there be another "next"? Does everyone have their own Heaven or will we all co-exist? Will I have a talent? Is that even important in Heaven? Will I have a purpose? Will I miss my life? Will I miss my husband? Will I know him?

These are the overwhelming questions that enter my mind anytime I think about Heaven. I get so overwhelmed it actually turns into anxiety and I have to quickly change the subject in my own head to God and God alone. That it will be fine and will be just what I need. But God, I know you like plans. Just remember I do too.

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